In the next episode of our Shout!Podcast, we hear from four members of our fire services community about how they juggle family life and relationships with their busy roles – both past and present.
It comes as we launch a Thriving Relationships Survey to help shape future support for couples across our fire family.
Listen to the episode:
Firstly, Robyn, a Watch Manager in Control with Hampshire and Isle of Wight FRS, shares an insight into some of the demands that come with her role, and her own perspective on balancing those with her family life.
The Richard, a Station Manager with Norfolk FRS, shares how he and his partner Janine – who also works in the fire service – juggle their busy work and personal lives together.
Following that, Iwan, an on-call firefighter with Mid and West Wales FRS, chats about some of his personal experiences of juggling his busy working life with being a husband and a father of two young boys…
And finally, I chat with Fiona, who was with West Sussex FRS for 18 years in a support role and also worked as an on-call firefighter for five of those years. She shares how she managed a busy working life with having a daughter at Primary School around that time.
If these interviews resonate with you, remember our Support Line is always available: 0800 3898820. Be sure to follow or subscribe to the Shout!Podcast to stay updated with our latest episodes.
Read the full transcript:
Please note: This transcript has been AI-generated so there may be some errors.
Rebecca: Hi, everyone. Happy New Year and welcome back to our Shout podcast. My name is Rebecca and I’m the content editor here at Firefighters Charity. Now, anyone working in our fire services community will know that life can become quite the juggling act when it comes to work and home life, particularly if, ah, you do shifts or you’re, On Call. With that in mind, I’ve sat down with four people who work across different roles in the fire service, from firefighting to control, to hear a bit about their own experiences when it comes to balancing their relationships with the unique pressures that come with their work. Please remember to rate, follow or subscribe to the show on your usual podcast platform to keep up to date with this and more of our episodes. To start today’s episode, I chat with Robyn, a watch manager in control with Hampshire and Isle of Fire and Rescue Service, who shares an insight into some of the demands that come with her role and her own perspective on balancing those with her family life.
Robyn: I’m Robyn Richardson. I’m a Watch Manager in the control room for Hampshire and Isle of Wight Fire and Rescue Service.
Rebecca: So just tell me, do you have a partner and children at home?
Robyn: I’ve got a husband. I’ve been with him for 20 years and we have two children. they are aged 8 and 11.
Rebecca: But is your husband in the fire service as well?
Robyn: My husband was in, an engineering role and now he has joined the fire service this year, actually, at the.
Rebecca: Beginning of the year, runs in the family. So just for you personally, for your role, obviously you’ve been in it for a while now. What would you say are the main pressures?
Robyn: I think it’s, ah, that juggling act, primarily in control. It’s mainly women, and we are the primary carers usually. so it’s kind of just making sure that you’re there for your children, but also the demands and pressures of work. also I’m a manager, so it’s kind of looking after my staff but then looking after everybody at home as well. it’s kind of hits home when you are working those significant dates. So you’re missing sports day, you’re missing Christmas, you’re missing putting them to bed. so those times can be really hard.
Rebecca: Do you sometimes struggle to leave work at work, particularly if you’ve say had a difficult call that day or it’s been quite a busy day. Do you struggle to separate the two?
Robyn: Sometimes, yeah, I can do. especially those certain calls that really hit home. You know, the ones that are involving children or you know, it can be ones that just really catch you off guard. and, or if you’ve had a particularly busy tour. We’ve been particularly busy lately. and there’s been, yeah, a number of difficult calls that we’ve had to deal with and that can have an impact over time.
Rebecca: I just wondered if there’s any particular examples that immediately spring to mind of ones where it might have stuck with you, where you’ve had quite a difficult day and maybe you’ve come home and had to slip straight back into being mum again. Was there anything that would spring to mind as a memory?
Robyn: Yeah, so it was a 15 year old that had yeah, attempted suicide particularly hard. and that, yeah, definitely stuck with me. We also had just before Christmas I think last year, a particularly nasty road traffic collision where a young child died. and I think, you know, obviously it’s devastating at any time of year but it really hits home around sort of Christmas time.
Rebecca: When you are going back home after a particularly difficult day like that. How do you find, are there any sort of coping mechanisms and have you found ways that you can cope with that? Do you talk about it or what, what do you tend to do?
Robyn: I do talk about it. I’m a big, big talker, big advocate for talking. I think it’s really important. I think it really helps now that my husband’s in the job because he understands a bit more of what, you know, what I’m talking about. but yeah, I feel if you kind of clam up and don’t talk then it can come out in ways that you don’t want it to. and certainly I’ve experienced that, you know, kind of being a bit short tempered with the children or you know, becoming stressed. when, when I think about what’s actually the underlying root of that, it’s because of what’s been going on at work. So I definitely, I try and go to the gym now after work if I’ve had a particular stressful day. So just try and unwind or go for a walk by the beach, all those sorts of things to just try and de-stress. but yeah, definitely, definitely talking about things is a really good coping mechanism.
Rebecca: That’s really, really helpful. I think those, like you mentioned, just taking yourself off for a walk is a really good tip, actually, for people. Your partner underestimated the pressures of being in the fire service, you say how do you think your partner, before he actually joined the fire service himself, so back when he was in a role outside of it, how do you think he felt about your job? Do you think he kind of worried sometimes, about the pressures that you were facing and that kind of thing?
Robyn: I think he underestimated it, if I’m honest. I think, especially in control, I think people just see it as a bit of an office job. but once they kind of are ingrained within the fire service, you understand a little bit more of the pressures. And sometimes hearing things, and your mind filling in those blanks can be worse than actually seeing it, which is something that we experience in control. You know, giving lifesaving advice to somebody that’s taking their last breaths on the end of the phone, can be just as traumatic, if not more than being there. you almost feel helpless in some ways. There’s only so much you can do being at the end of the phone. and sometimes, you know, it does end in a tragedy and that can kind of just have, you know, stick with you.
Rebecca: Would you say you find it a little bit easier now to talk to him then?
Robyn: Find it easier now? There have been periods in our relationship where we haven’t, communicated as well as we do now. and that has definitely taken, you know, it was very, very stressful at the time. but, yeah, I think. I think we’re in a lot better place now.
Rebecca: Do you find that you shield your children from some of the experiences that you’ve had at work and do they tend to worry about you or do that? Do they still not quite understand what it is that you do?
Robyn: Yeah, I don’t think they quite understand. There were certainly a lot more concerned when my husband started. I guess because he’s out on station, they don’t understand the kind of impacts of, the mental impacts of being in the control room. I mean, they always ask me every time I get in from work, mummy, how many fires did you send to today?
Rebecca: Just out of interest, has the pressure that your work brings, particularly. And the juggling act of that with the family life, has that ever made you contemplate leaving the fire service? Or have you always. Has that never happened for you?
Robyn: yes, I have. Particularly in the last few years, I think, as work gets busier and, you know, we don’t have as many people. the stresses are a lot more, you know, the shifts seem longer and we’re doing more work within, in those shifts and yeah, I have contemplated leaving it fundamentally. I love my job but, it can be tiring.
Rebecca: Yeah, I can only imagine. Yeah. and do you think having some support available to yourself and your colleagues right across the uk, particularly in terms of relationships and wellbeing, support, do you think that is really helpful and really valuable?
Robyn: Yeah, and I think it’s really needed. And actually I know a lot of friends where their relationships have broken down, that are in the service, particularly ones that have been through, traumatic incidents and they haven’t spoken about them to their partner. they’ve sort of clammed up and created that distance and maybe if they’re not in the service they may not understand as much or there’s also that’s still that element of bravado. So it’s, you know, not wanting to talk about it or not kind of giving in and, you know, yeah, I’m fine. but. And then that can lead to breakdown, in relationships, which is really sad. and you just think perhaps if they’d had some help, some early intervention, that their relationship could have been saved.
Rebecca: You can watch a video we filmed with Robin by following the link in the show notes.
Next, I chat with Richard, a station manager with Norfolk Fire and Rescue Service, who shares how he and his partner Janine, who also works in the fire service, juggle their busy work and personal lives together.
Richard: I’m, with Norfolk Fire and Rescue Service and my role is a station manager at Thetford Fire Station.
Rebecca: And just tell me a little bit about who you’ve got at home. So have you got a partner, children?
Richard: Yeah, I’ve got my partner Janine at home, and our stepson Jamie, who’s nine.
Rebecca: A little bit about some of the pressures that might often come with, with the role in the fire service for you.
Richard: well, for me the pressures, obviously we have the operational incidents, but a lot of it is juggling the work life balance, and juggling around childcare. Janine’s also in the fire service. She works at our training school which is fairly flexible, but when they have like courses running, for example, she has to be there like two hours before the course starts to be prepared and stuff, if I’m on a 24 hour shift, that we don’t have any childc care, we don’t have any, family, nearby I mean, my mum is 91 and her mum is in a home Alzheimer. So we, we have literally no childcare. preschool club starts a quarter to 8 in the morning. But even that sometimes is not early enough. So the, for me, the hardest part is actually sometimes we say in North Parv, you can either have a crew manager at training school or you can have a station manager at Thetford, but for a couple of hours this morning, we just can’t do both. And most. I mean, to be fair, the fire service are really supportive of us and they do help us out where they can, but it does put pressure on. You should be constantly asking, you know, if that makes sense.
Rebecca: It completely makes sense. And do you sometimes find as well with shift patterns are being in the fire service that can impact it as well?
Richard: Oh, massively, yeah. Because if I ve. If I’ve got something that’s really important that I can’t move, you know, I don’t just meet people from the fire service. I’m managing like building works and stuff. We’ve got go. And if I’ve got meetings with, you know, builders and architects and all that sort of stuff, and Janine has s. Got a course on the go. It’s almost like we almost end up arguing about, well, mine is more priority than yours and, you know, and it does, it does cause friction from time to time.
Rebecca: No, I can imagine it does. It’s only natural at that. Are you whole time just of interest or are you won? You are who time?
Richard: No, I’m whole time. Yeah. Yeah. 28, nearly 29 years now.
Rebecca: Do you sometimes. It’s different for everyone, but do you sometimes find it can be difficult to, separate the two? So. particularly if you’ve had a difficult shout, leaving work at work and then coming home and having your home life, can that be quite hard?
Richard: Yeah. When I go home today, for example, I’ll go home probably about 4 or 5 o’clock, something like that, but I don’t finish until half past late tomorrow morning. So we’re sitting at home having our family time and the phone rings and I go, I get sent somewhere. Some of the stuff you have to see and deal with while you’re out, you know, you see and deal with while you’re out and then you come home and they’re still sitting there watching the Disney movie or something like that. And it’s. I’m lucky in the fact that Janine has done the job so she, she knows what I’ve seen and what I’ve done and I can, I can talk openly is. I’m lucky. Really lucky is like being in the meroom at work where you can talk about stuff. and I appreciate that not everybody in my position has that because people don’t know the horrors and stuff of what we see sometimes.
Rebecca: That actually leads me on to my next question. I was going to ask you what you think, her, like what her perspective is on the job. Do you think she feels a lot of the pressure that you do and a lot of the pressure that comes with that job, or does it help that she’s in there herself?
Richard: Yeah, I think so. I mean, without wanting to sound sort of like patroniz or whatever, the role of a station managers is very different to the role of a firefight. We’re on the same inst ground where we’ve got the same goals. But I look at things so differently now what I did when I was as a fireight. So think. I think sometimes that part of it does get lost in translation sometimes. But yeah, with the actual. The nuts and bolts of the job we do. Yeah, she understands it very well. She’s really good at it and it helps because she knows what it is that I’m dealing with.
Rebecca: Yeah, absolutely. You’re both working and looking after parents at the same time do you think if I was say, for example, I was talking to her right now, what would she say about your relationship as a whole and what would be the strengths and how you’ve sort of coped with those pressures?
Richard: I think we are so similar in a lot of ways because, for example, My mum is 91, she lives in her own. I lost my dad last year to Parkinson’s. Her mum, as literally in the last few weeks, had to be taken into a care home, because she’s suffering with Alzheimer’s. So the. We both have to. As well as looking after our, our child’s stepson or whatever, we’re both having to look after parents and kind of try and help run their lives as well as running our own lives as well as going to work. So yeah, I think some days it does feel like we’both sort of stood like back to back, like firefighting and opposite direction, trying to keep things on track. So I think should probably say broadly the same as me. We. Some days it is just take every, every minute of every day as it comes and deal with it.
Rebecca: Do you. Do you tend to find it easy enough to talk to her or do you sometimes find it quite difficult to talk? after say, for example, after a difficult day at work, it’s always easy.
Richard: To talk to her but sometimes I don’t want to talk to her because I don’t want to talk. I’m about a difficult day at work because I’ve been to work and I like to think I’m quite good ah at switching off from it. So I like to go home and just sit and. And we in the. We hardly watch any. Any kind of normal tv. We’ll have stuff that we stream that you know, like we can just sit and watch. So if I get called out we can just stop it and then pick it up where we’ve left off. But yeah, try. I try and leave work at work. Inevitably we end up talking about work because that’s how we met. That’s what we both do. We both do the same job. So But sometimes it’s like, yeah, should just. Let’s just not talk about work tonight. Not for anything awful we’ve got going on but just. Cause just set up with being at work.
Rebecca: You need to tune out.
Richard: Yeah, that. Yeah, yeah, we do. Let’s just take the dog for walking in there when I finish.
Rebecca: Do you find sometimes that you shield your stepson from a lot of the realities of the job in the fire service? Do you find he asks a lot of questions?
Richard: Yeah, yeah, we do. Obviously you don’t. You shield a lot of people from it. You don’t. If people knew the sort of stuff you see and do in the job, I think. I think, you know, it probably would horrify a lot of people. You know, the stuff you have to see and do. Yeah, yeah. Nine years old, he thinks I d just sit at my desk all day writing and his mumy teaches other five fight how to be fire fight at training school and s. That’s all he needs to know and that’s all he knows.
Rebecca: You personally has the pressure of this juggling act and keeping the separation and everything and the pressures of the job. Has it ever made you contemplate leaving the fire service?
Richard: Probably, yes. But how seriously that is, I don’t know. I mean there are days where I just think there got be. There’s got to be better ways of doing it. you know, I think probably the thing that keeps me here is the people, the people here are just brilliant. You know, I’m lucky where I work at Thetford, my guys and girls here are just. They’re brilliant and you know, if you’re having a bad day they just without. Without really realising they cheer you up and they make it, they make it realise why you’re here and then, you know, that’s before you go out and do a job where you actually help somebody. And that, that is a great feeling when you, when you leave in a job and you think, yeah, we really have made a difference there. I know it’s our job and it’s what we get paid for, but the actual care and compassion that the people show to them and then you think, yeah, that. And then I don’t think I’d get that driving a lorry or being a health and safety manager or whatever it is. you know, I don’t think I won’t get that anywhere else. So I like it here.
Rebecca: No, that’s good. That’s really, really great to hear. And just finally, do you think it is worthwhile for there to be support for relationships and for home life available, say through the charity, for example? Do you think that would be worthwhile for a lot of people in the fire service?
Richard: Yeah, I do. And I think the way the world is evolving, we, we will need more and more of it in future. I mean, when I, when I joined, you know, back in 1996, a firefight salary was, was quite good in comparison. And there wasn’t the pressure for the, for the partner, you know, male or female partner, there wasn’t, there wasn’t the pressure for the other partner to, to work so much as they do. You know, generally if, if firefights had children, their partner would work part time maybe or you know, if they had a good support network around them then they could, partners maybe could work full time. But I think that the way the world is driving now is everybody both, you know, both parties in a relationship will work full time and as soon as you have children and you both work working full time and especially shift pattern work, where there’s very little flexibility in terms of, you know, start times and finishing times. I personally feel we’re only just see in the beginnings of, of the real pressure. I think the real pressure is still yet to come, you know, with the youngsters when they start having family’s and that.
Rebecca: One role in the fire service which comes with its own unique pressures is that of the on call firefighter. And chatting to me about those next is Iwan, an On Call Firefighter with Mid and West Wales Fire and Rescue Service who shares some of his personal experiences of juggling his busy working life with being a husband and a father of two young boys.
Iwan: Hi, my name’s Iwan Ward. I’m a retained crew manager in Midwest Wales Final Rescue Service. I’ve got a wife, Anita, and two kids, 10 and 12 years old.
Rebecca: So just. It’s probably difficult to pick a couple, but if there’s any that s. Spring to mind. What are the kind of pressures that you think can come with on call firefighters? If you were just to name a you.
Iwan: Oh, this, There’s a list. there’s pressures with regards to, being able to give the COVID there’s pressures with knowing the people in the community that we’re actually helping. not knocking whole time because they do a great job, but they work away from their areas. we actually live in, and work in our communities. So a lot of the bad calls we go to, we actually know the people or know the family. So that’s a big pressure. There’s also pressures like, with family and friends where you might arrange to go somewhere and could be an hour before you’re going page goes down, you could be out for a meal. pager goes down and that’s. It’s, it’s not ruined, but it takes you away from, your family and friends. Yes.
Rebecca: And do you personally, do you struggle sometimes to leave work at work and separate the two? Is that something you’ve had issues within the past?
Iwan: Yes. So’ve I have had issues in the past and thankfully had help from the Firef Fight charity. it can be difficult, but one of the biggest things for me is the crew around me and my family. So being able to speak to my wife, not my kids, obviously. but they do help at times because they’ll do like, daft things and say, we love you Daddy, at certain times and it’s like, boom, it’s got you perfect.
Rebecca: Is there an example of when you maybe had a difficult shout and you’ve really struggled to then come home and separate the two?
Iwan: There are a few. There’s one that will always be here in the back of my head and, that’s the biggest one that I’ve actually had to have help with from 5facece charity. and I’ve got to say, absolutely amazing. now that’s stuck in my mind. Because we were limited on crewing that evening, pressures were higher. there was a child involved and a child not very much younger than my own. And that was really, really difficult. When I came home the following morning, didn’t, want to speak to my wife, didn’t want to speak to my kids. I just wanted to be left alone. And for me, that was the hardest thing about that. Because my kids wanted. They were just waking up as I came home and my kids wanted to see me, want to have a cuddle. My wife the same. And I just had no interest. Just couldn’t get the job out of my head. knowing that I’d not. I’m talking for me personally, knowing that I’d done everything possible, and knowing that all the crews, they did absolutely everything that could be done. It was just that little bit of doubt in your mind, thinking, actually, if we’d have done it this way or done it that way. But realistically, there would have been the thing else we could have done. And because of that’it’s difficult to separate things away. and you do take it home with you?
Rebecca: Yeah, no, absolutely. I think that’s a really powerful example, to be honest. And I’m sure a lot of uncle Firefighters have the same, I think sometimes maybe as well. If you don’t have that space of time back at the station, you know, a lot of whole time might have the whole day then ahead of them before they go home. But you in on call, you sometimes do have to go straight home, don’t you? So it’s having that separation.
Iwan: Yeah, so that does happen quite a lot. that example I was just speaking to you about now, one of the officers came back to station with us. He needed support from us as well, not just the other way around. and, we did sit down, we did have a chat. we did have a cup of coffee, but not for long. Half an hour maybe. and then it was, right, let’s go back home. It was a weekend. which maybe made it a little bit more difficult. if it was a weekday, we’d have all gone back to work. So it would have then been, right, carrying on with my job, let’s do this, let’s do that, everything good. But then go back to your family. Maybe it was going to be a chill Sunday or whatever, and then it’s like you’re just sat moping, if you like, you know, and think over things. So, yeah, it’s difficult like that. Yes.
Rebecca: For you and for Anita. how do you think your partner feels about your job or has felt in the past? Do you think there’s anything that she’s struggled with or, does she worry about you sometimes on. When you’re on shouts.
Iwan: So my wife, Anita, she’s very proud of, my role in the fire service and what I do for the community. and she. Every time I have a shout at night especially, she Struggles to go back to sleep. Or she’ll go back to sleep and it’ll be broken up because she wake up thinking, oh, is he bus he back, is he back? so it’s difficult, difficult there. she also doesn’t know what we’re going to. Because you leave the house in a rush, you get to the job and you don’t get a chance to communicate back to say that you’re safe, to say that, you know, whatever, that you’re gonna be ages. So then she’s got that worry constantly, while I’m away during the day, if I m, if I’m out at work, she doesn’t know I’ve gone on a shout. So she won’t know until I actually communicate with her to say I’m on a call, I’m go goingna be lateid back. Ah, and things like that. And then at that point she starts worrying and says, be careful and things.
Rebecca: Like this, you know, if she was on the call right now, what do you think she’d say about your relationship as a whole? Do you think, there’s anything that you found as a couple really helps with things like that?
Iwan: I know my wife, if we were talking, if she was on the call now, she would say that I needed to talk more. I do talk a lot, but not about my feelings. But she, she’d probably say, yeah, we need to talk more, we need to open up more about it. Obviously we’re also restricted on details, so, you know, I can’t go into ins and outs with her, which sometimes can be difficult because actually that’s what I need is I need to go through the ins and outs. So that’s where the crew comes into then, where we can talk about the nitty gritties. But I know that I need her support, and I need her there with me because without, without her, I wouldn’t have the strength that I’ve got now. So, yeah, it is very important to.
Rebecca: Speak to your partner, in terms of your kids then, they’re still obviously quite young, but, old enough maybe to understand a bit more now. do you find that you try and shield them from a lot of it, or how do you kind of handle things with them?
Iwan: So my kids are 10 and 12 now and that’s all they’ve known is me being an on call firefighter, which I think helps. So my page goes off now. They don’t, they don’t flinch or anything, but I, do feel that I gotta hide a lot of stuff from them feeling stuff like that I have done. We’ve been maybe playing a board game or playing on the computer, maybe even just chilling and something comes to my mind, something happens and I’m like, right, I got toa get up, go awayit, shut the bedroom door, sit on my own, you know. And then my wife knows what’s happening but my kids haven’t got a clue. And you’ve got to protect them from it. But they also know that I have had some bad shouts. I do tell the kids now in the last maybe 12, 18 months, they do get told. Dann’s had a bad shout tonight, Danny’s had a bad shout yesterday. Whatever. if he gets upset, don’t worry about it, he’s not upset with you. Things like this. And, I think that’s very important when they get to an age where they can understand but obviously not go into any details. I, remember when we had a, little girl, where we lost a little girl in a house fire and my eldest son, he came home from school and said, o, this little girl died in a fire and hit me like a bus. But, yeah, so we try, we try. So we try and protect them from that.
Rebecca: Yeah, That’s really good advice, actually. Just, telling them a little bit as they get older. That’s really, really helpful. Do you think there’s anything over the years in your relationship with Anita, is that anything that, has helped you both to cope with that, with everything? Would it be the talking, for example, or is there anything that you would advise others to give a go?
Iwan: So over the years, there’s been number of things we’ve tried and done and dealt with things. one of the biggest things for me would be laughter. dark humour. that definitely helps. Sounds horrible. But it is a massive, coay mechanism. And not just for me as a firefighter, it’s also for my wife as well, because she will. Quite often we’ll have a serious chat about something. It’ll go into a dark humour and she’ll say, for God’s sake, you man up, get on with it, blah, blah, blah. And you know what? it’s enough to make me chuckle and that’s it. We can crack on, you know, but it’nothing. There’s nothing bad in it. It’s just. It’s just a coping mechanism and’it’s a good way of talking and getting your feelings out to your partner by not being all doom and gloom and upset.
Rebecca: I completely get It. And it’s a firefighter way, isn’t it? Let’s face it, it has been for years.
Iwan: It. It is. You won’t last. No.
Rebecca: Has the pressure and the pressures that you’ve described during this chat, have they ever made you contemplate leaving, your role as a firefighter, which would be obviously completely understandable. Has that ever crossed your mind?
Iwan: That’s a brilliant question. That’s a brilliant of that question. Okay, so, under the pressures that I’ve had over the years, the. I have never really had any thoughts about leaving the service. There have been different issues where I’ve thought about leaving the service, service politics and things like that, but they come in and they disappeared quite quickly. And, you think about what you’re doing in the community and things like that’re saving people’s lives, helping people and, the pride that it brings to my family and myself. yeah, no chance. I. I’m in it till I either have an injury because I’m getting old or I’m not fit enough anymore to do it or something else. So, yeah, it’s. No, it’s. It’s once. Once you’re in it, you’ve either got it in your blood or you haven’t really.
Rebecca: We also have a video interview with Iwan, which you can watch via a link in the show notes.
And finally, I chat with Fiona, who was with West Sussex Fire and rescue service for 18 years in a support role and also worked as an on call firefighter for five those years. She shares how she managed a busy working life with having a daughter at primary school around that time.
Rebecca: Hello there.
Fiona: I served with, West Sussex Farm rescue service for 18 years in a support staff role and during that time I was an on call firefighter for five years.
Rebecca: Perfect, thank you. And do you have a partner and children at home at all?
Fiona: I do. I have a partner, Mike, who have some 24 years now, which is, And I also have a daughter who at the time I was uncle firefighters. She was a primary school.
Rebecca: Gosh. Massive, massive juggling. I. I can imagine. what is it that your partner does? Is he in the fire service as well?
Fiona: My partner, Mike? luckily for me, probably he ran a small business, so he’s an archery instructor and also did some photography.
Rebecca: Brilliant. So while you were in the role, particularly as on call firefighter, what would you say were some of the main pressures that stick in your mind that you faced, whether it’s, you know, difficult shouts that you might have got called out to or anything that comes to mind really.
Fiona: The pressures on the ONC call firefighters? many and various. Certainly judging the juggling around with the day job, that’s one thing, but also it’s juggling all of that training. So there’s quite a lot of training, particularly in the first two years you’re off doing initial training, RTC training, Hazmat etc. And also the instance of course, coming home late, not coming home when you’re expected, partner having to worry about changing plans and of course all that pressure of being grumpy while training.
Rebecca: No, I can imagine. did you, while you were in that role, did you sometimes struggle to leave work at work? So for example, if you were on a difficult show one day and then you were coming back at being mum or being a partner, did that sometimes feel quite difficult to separate the two?
Fiona: Yes, separating the two was quite tricky at times. it can work both ways. Either the highs when you’ve had a really good job, everybody’s worked well and you’re tired but satisfied with what’s happened. But also of course those inevitable lows. It’s quite hard to step back from a particularly difficult road traffic collision where chill child’s being involved perhaps, and then come home to your child and your partner. That can be very difficult. Inevitably you take that sort of thing.
Rebecca: Home, especially local community as well. It could always be a family member or a friend, I suppose.
Fiona: I think it’s particularly difficult for uncle firefighters in a village community because there is every chance that they will know who’s involved here.
Rebecca: But how did you think your partner felt about your job at the time? Do you think they sort of worried about your time in, in the fire service? It did put quite a lot of pressure on them in different ways.
Fiona: Yes, certainly for a partner there’s quite a few different pressures. the s. Absolute pride of course, because there is a vicarious pride in you’re by partner. You’re enabling your partner to do especially the on call role because without them it would. Well, it would have been impossible for me with a child. there’s an unseen worry. My partner was very good at not woring or not telling me. He was too worried about the physical side. And yes, there were the highs absolutely of coming to station events, going to, going to the carol service. That was a big thing with all the flags and the colours and. But there was also that little sense of not really being one of the gang and I think that that was obvious at times. Although he was quite, quite Good at not telling me, but I think that was obvious.
Rebecca: Yes. and if we say I was interviewing him now, do you think there’d be anything that he’d say about that time? Anything that sticks in his mind that he found particularly difficult, other than what.
Fiona: You’ve just mentioned, Difficult wise wasb probably that being part of the family but not part of the gang because obviously with shared, shared experiences, shared training, shared incidents, there’s always going to be that closeness that even partners can’t really be part of it. and certainly poor Mike, you’ve had to be that sounding board. If I came home after a difficult instant and, very often I’d just say, we’re going to the pub now. And he would just take it. And just when I was ready to say anything, if I wanted to say anything. He was very good at that.
Rebecca: I was just going to ask you if you found it quite difficult to talk, when you came home, or did you find that really helped you to actually talk through what you’d been through that day?
Fiona: I think if it was an incident towards the end of the working day, it was quite hard to talk at first. When I got home, I think it would be obvious to my partner that something had happenmmed. If it was a bad incident. I may be a bit quiet to begin with, but he seemed to be very good at just taking that on board and ye taking me to the pub if that’s what I needed. Not asking too many questions, but yes, because there’s some details you can’t talk about, it wouldn’t be right. Difficult to share everything.
Rebecca: Yeah, definitely. did you find that you were shielding your daughter a lot from the experience or did you try and talk to her in a particular way about it at all? did she have kind of worries or anything?
Fiona: Yes, Funnily enough, I asked her about this yesterday as what was her impression when she was young and her first thing was I liked all the parties, but I was worried that Mummy might be injured or a crisp, as she put it. Brutal. But. But she also remembers the really good times I being squirted with water if she came in during a drill night. So there was good and bad, but of course I never discussed anything that was particularly bad with her, so we just shielded it from that.
Rebecca: Was there anything that you did in your relationship in particular, with your partner that made things easier? M so, for example, it might be talking openly or it might be, Things with childcare. Was there anything that you would advise others to try regarding advising others?
Fiona: It’s quite hard because everybody’s relationship is different. I think poor Mike was involved, whether he wanted to be or not. For example, during the two week training course, it wasn’t residential, so there was commuting there, commuting back. I’d come home late, tired and grumpy. I’d have to get my uniform ready for the next day. I’d need a bath badly. I’d also need to study. So poor Mike, he just took all of that on board. And I think because he ended up helping me revise for questions, he was really involved right from the word go. So absolutely talking. yeah. Getting the opportunity just to come to the station. Getting involved with, station activities, that really did help because he understood the role better.
Rebecca: Do you know what? I was just thinking that I’ve not heard that advice, but it’s really good, like, just so they actually understand that it’s more than just those difficult shouts. There is a whole life there and if they feel part of it, that must really help them.
Fiona: There’s a really good opportunity to have that wider family thing of sharing in the good times as well. And I think if you have that balance, then it makes a harder times easier to deal with.
Rebecca: That’s all for this episode and a massive thank you to Robin, Richard, Iwan, and Fiona. If you’ve had similar experiences to any of them and feel you’d benefit from our support, whether as an individual or as a family, you can find out more about the support we offer on our website. The links to that and all the information you need to contact our support line are in the show notes. We’ve got another show coming up next month, so don’t forget to follow or subscribe and I’ll see you then.