Mike Henshall always prided himself on being someone that people could come to for help, advice and support, someone who’d always offer a listening ear and share in their experience.
However, he says it also meant he ignored his own mental wellbeing and was unaware of the huge burden he was taking on – which, in recent years, has caught up with him.
Now, he’s sharing his story of how we helped him following a difficult time with his mental health, to encourage others to come forward should they need support.
Mike is a volunteer for Cheshire FRS, working as a safety ranger, helping to provide safety and awareness visits. While he’d heard about our charity, he hadn’t realised he was eligible for our support until recently.
“I’ve worked all my life, in factories, in management, in a high school for 12 years, in mental health, as an Army medic with the TA and I’ve always volunteered too,” says Mike.
“I burnt myself out really. About six years ago, I was working in a high school and the students would often come to me for support. Sadly, there were a lot of things that happened during my time there, including attempted suicide and self-harming.
“It was also while I was there that the Manchester Arena bombing happened and we had one girl killed and another injured. On the morning after, I was having students coming to me for support. I’m not a trained counsellor or therapist, they just felt they could talk to me, which was great – but it’s something I’ve always done all my life, helped other people and not realised the impact it’s had on my own mental health.”
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Mike adds: “I ended up in a really dark place, I had a lot of time off sick and I ended up being diagnosed with PTSD and depression. I actually got to the point where I contemplated taking my own life. It was from a lifetime of helping other people and not helping myself really.
“I locked myself in the house for months, drew the curtains, and wouldn’t talk to anyone. I’d just sit in bed or on the sofa, feeling really lost.”
At the time, Mike was also a qualified life coach and knew, when it got to its worst point, that he needed to do something urgently.
“I remember it was a Monday, and I’d actually planned to end my life that Friday,” says Mike. “I decided I’d try a week of life-coaching myself, as a last attempt at helping myself.
“I tried to think of my mental health at the time as like being on an expedition, and my rucksack was so big I couldn’t carry it.
“I sat myself down and thought, ‘right, if I was on expedition, what would I absolutely need to take with me, and what could I drop’. I took myself out into the garden – one of the first days I’d been out in about six months – and I wrote down everything in my mental rucksack. I ended up with 14 pages of A4 paper!
“It was things stemming from childhood, things other people had told me which I’d held onto. I started actively ‘throwing things out’, while holding onto things that were mine to carry. It wasn’t easy, but it helped massively.
“I then thought of a ‘survival kit’ to help, things like exercise, mindfulness, talking…
“I’ve always wanted to be someone that people can come to with their problems – but it’s a fine line between helping others, and then ignoring your own wellbeing.
“I hope hearing this might help others, particularly people in the fire service who may be similar.”
Mike went on to share his story as widely as possible across Cheshire, having found the tools he needed to improve his wellbeing.
“Sadly, I went on to have some health issues a couple of years ago,” says Mike “I kept collapsing when out dog walking. They eventually diagnosed me with chronic fatigue syndrome. My body had essentially been telling me to slow down – not something I’d ever been very good at!
“I ended up not being able to work as much because I was struggling so much with the fatigue. Last year, I felt myself slipping again and struggling with my mental wellbeing – particularly when I became unemployed.
“This year, we had a talk from a firefighter who spoke about the charity’s support, and it really resonated with me.”
Mike got in touch with us, thinking he might be able to access a leaflet or some basic information, but was instead told he’s eligible for our support as a FRS volunteer. He was subsequently invited down to Harcombe House to attend our Reset Programme.
“I phoned the charity and I was expecting a leaflet or a workbook or something, because I’m not a firefighter, but I hadn’t realised I was eligible as a volunteer.
“I remember thinking I didn’t deserve it and I felt really worried about the drive, but I’m so glad I went, says Mike.
“It’s done me more good than anything in the last three to four years to be honest. A lot of the time with ME and CFS, you’re being told to pace yourself, but that’s really hard to do yourself. At Harcombe House, they pushed me and I could find my limits – but also know how much I can still do.
“The group I was with were incredible. We’re still in touch now and I feel like we really connected – I said to all of them, ‘you’re like my tribe’.
“I remember feeling like a fraud before I went, which I now know was far from it, and I was welcomed with open arms with everyone at the centre.
“It was so profound for me, it’s really reset my mind. Before I went on it, honestly, I’d given up hope. Now I feel like I can have a normal life still, I can get back to work, I can go on walks and enjoy life.
“I’ve also been interacting with my family a lot more recently, which has helped so much. I understand it’s not a magic wand, it won’t all be sorted overnight, but what it has done is given me hope.”
“I’d recommend it to anyone, I really would, particularly FRS volunteers like myself who might not know they’re eligible.
“I’m now also planning a big fundraiser as a thank you. I want to repay some of what was offered to me during a really hard time.”
If you feel you’d benefit from our health and wellbeing support, you can call our Support Line on 0800 389 8820, make an enquiry online or visit the ‘Access Support’ tab in My Fire Fighters Charity.
And remember – if you’re feeling suicidal, you can call our Crisis Line 24 hours a day on 0300 373 0896.