When Jeff Cross reached out for our support during a particularly difficult time in his life, he didn’t know what to expect.
However, he says two visits to Harcombe House, our residential centre in Devon, proved exactly what he needed to begin his recovery. He’s now encouraging anyone else who feels they’re struggling to reach out as early as possible – and insists it’s a massive strength to do so.
Jeff, 43, is a Watch Manager for Devon and Somerset Fire and Rescue Service. He loves his job but has experienced ups and downs with his mental health for many years, which had begun to impact his day-to-day life – particularly around late 2018.
There by his side was his partner Naomi Parton-Smith, 32, who saw first-hand how asking for help at the time proved a lifeline for Jeff.
“Jeff decided to turn to drink to numb the thoughts and keep himself occupied… unfortunately this just made him worse and made his thoughts exaggerated,” says Naomi.
“Luckily he reached out to us and myself and two amazing firefighter friends dropped everything to be with him and support him. We contacted The Fire Fighters Charity earlier that day and requested that they made contact so we could get Jeff some support and recuperation.
“The Charity contacted Jeff, discussed options with him over the phone and within 12 weeks Jeff had a stay booked in at Harcombe House in Devon.”
It was this time out, away from the stresses of day-to-day life, that Jeff says proved instrumental in his recovery.
“What I found worked really well at Harcombe was the whole set-up, the way the timetables ran, the way you did things. It automatically forces you to relax. That’s what was needed for me. It’s a complete escape,” says Jeff.
“Someone explained it to me like this, when you’re at Harcombe House, it allows you to sit on the side of the road and watch the traffic go by. When you’re not there, you’re stood in the middle of the traffic trying to dodge it all.”
Jeff says a huge part of the positive experience he had was meeting and chatting with the other people in his group.
He adds: “When you first get down there and meet the group you’re there with, well, we’re generally all like-minded people from all over the country. You’re brothers and sisters whether you know each other or not.
“You don’t ask other beneficiaries why they’re there, that’s the golden rule, but if people share why they’re there – which groups generally do over a coffee or while out walking – you do generally talk as well.
“You’ve all got different things going on but when you’re in that group, you don’t feel like you’re being judged. Although it’s a bit nerve-wracking on the first day, but there’s no judgement and you’re immediately put at ease.”
Ever since leaving Harcombe that first time, Jeff has continued to work on his recovery and says he’s doing much better now – and still draws on a lot of the tools he learned there.
“It’s helped me no end. The toolbox is full when you leave, you can draw on those resources from then on. I’m better, and if it wasn’t for that stay I probably wouldn’t even be here, but everyone will have lapses,” he adds.
“Having that experience and realising that there’s always a way through, if you think about it and take your time, is one of the key things I learnt there.
“My message to anyone reading this is this – people need reassurance that if you need help, especially in our job, to ask for it is not a sign of weakness. It’s actually a sign of great strength.
“The macho image of the fire service needs to be gone – and I know people are striving really hard now to make that happen. It’s knowing you’re not on your own.
“That’s the thing, if people can realise that actually you’re stronger for doing something about it than hiding away from it, it’s a huge strength.”
Having seen how much the support helped Jeff, Naomi ran the 2022 London Marathon in aid of us, as a thank you to all those who have donated over the years to make that support possible.
“Jeff made a great recovery and after a few months was back to work on full duty,” says Naomi. “We moved in to a cottage together six months after Jeff’s stay at Harcombe and three years later I gave birth to our beautiful eight-month-old daughter Elsie.
“This is why I ran the Marathon for you. Without your support and that of our firefighter friends, we wouldn’t have the most amazing daughter and future as a family ahead of us.”
And in an incredible surprise, as she crossed the finish line on the day, Jeff proposed – and Naomi was delighted to say yes!
She says: “I had no idea that he would propose but Jeff said he knew I couldn’t run away after just completing 26.2 miles! It made the whole day even better and a day I will never forget.”
Since then, Jeff has continued to build back his fitness by attending one of our Kickstart Programmes at Harcombe House, which he says was “fantastic”.
He adds: “It helped me not only with fitness motivation following a recent minor injury, but it was a well earned help with the head as well. The Charity never fail to amaze me how supportive they are and how much we don’t realise we need the support until we are receiving it!”